he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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