brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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