Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
