I faked an abortion last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
