And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you made out with another girl for some wings
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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