Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
