my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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