she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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