Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
