I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
