we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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