My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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