youre lurking in front of me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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