we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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