he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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