I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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