Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
