im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did I show you my penis last night?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
