The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
