you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize