Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
