My first STD was from a foam party
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
