Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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