Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
