So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
