the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
