I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
