Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
