i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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