The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
