She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
