I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
