I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
