youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
