The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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