walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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