Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
