Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
