I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
