Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the day after is always just damage control
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
