she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
