I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize