End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
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