My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
