i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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