how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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