All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
