yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
