How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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