Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
