What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
