NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
