I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
