did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
