she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
