You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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