was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
