Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
