I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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