Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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