I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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