Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
