I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
