take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
