SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We need to get me chipped asap
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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