feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
