The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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