Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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