what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
