I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
