New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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