The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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