dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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