there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
