DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
