Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
