I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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