I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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