I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
PANTIES FOUND
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