You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
