im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
