She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
im six kinds of drunk right now
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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