The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
